Trust

It's been awhile since I last posted! Too long, in fact. I'll try to make it up! A lot has happened in the past few months. I miss blogging!! It was always my way of jotting down my thoughts, an outlet of sorts.

The last month has been hard. I've had a lot of disappoints. Things that I don't understand why they happen, but they do. Lately a song has been going through my mind, Let the Waters Rise by Mikeschair. The first verse says: "Don't know where to begin It's like my world's caving in and I tried but I can't control my fear. Where do I go from here? Sometimes it's so hard to pray, you feel so far away. I am willing to go where you want me to. God I trust you." That last phrase has been so hard for me to say. God I trust you. Trust. Such a small word but so hard to do. People will let you down. Friends will disappoint you. Family will disappoint. People you trust will betray you, they will turn their back on you and walk away at the times where you need them the most. But God...He won't. But our human minds don't seem to be able to grasp that. We have a hard time understanding that God is not human, therefore He does not have humans attributes. He has godly attributes. He can be totally and completely trusted. Even when you things happen that make you think, "God, what are doing? This isn't supposed to happen!!!" Trust Him! I'm preaching to the choir here! This is a big issue for me! I've had so many disappoints that its become hard for me to trust anyone, even God.

The chorus of the song says, "There's a raging sea right in front of me. Want to pull me in Bring me to my knees. So let the waters rise if you want them to, I will follow you..." Then it goes on to say, "I will swim in the deep cuz your next to me. You're the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea. You're never out of reach. God you know where I've been You were there with me then You were faithful before, You'll be faithful again. I'm holding Your hand...God Your love is enough! You will pull me through. I'm holding on to You. God your love is enough! I will follow You!"

In the past few months I have felt like I'm in that raging sea; a sea of disappoints, sorrows, forgotten dreams, unattained goals, lost ambitions, unwise decisions. And it feels like all of those things are swelling up doing their best to pull me under. But to be able to stand there and say, "Let the waters rise if you want them to, I will follow you." That takes faith, trust. I want to be able to stand and say, "God whatever comes my way, even if it doesn't make sense, even if I don't understand why You want the sea to rise, I will still follow you. I will trust You! You were faithful before, You'll be faithful again." It doesn't matter how deep my sea may seem, it doesn't even matter how long I have to swim in it. As long as God is next to me! He is the eye of the storm and the calm of sea! I will trust in Him!!!