Silenced by God

Have you ever been silenced by God? Last night I was driving home from work, driving had always been my prayer time, but I hadn't really been doing that lately. So last night as I pulled out of the parking lot, feeling a little depressed, I shut off my radio and decided to talk to God. I began crying and I told Him I really needed Him to speak to me, I need this conversation to be two sided. You see this wasn't the first time I had come to Him with this problem, in fact it was the same problem I had been praying about for the past two months. If you were to look in my prayer journal you would see that this had been the topic of every conversation with God. Something that some days I struggle with more than others. As I prayed all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't speak anymore, I've had this happen before where I was so upset that I couldn't form words so I would pray silently. But this was different, I couldn't even pray silently. So instead I drove in silence for at least 5 minutes. There was no audible voice, there were no thoughts that quickly pooped into my mind, there was nothing but silence. It was almost like God was saying, "Enough! I've heard all this before and I'm helping you. Why do you keep picking this burden up and insisting on carrying it after you've given it to Me?"
When I finally was able to speak again, the only words I was able to form where, "Forgive me..." And one thing after another popped into my mind until I had nothing left. I asked for forgiveness for not trusting God, for trying to control things on my own, for... There were a lot of little things that I didn't really see as a big deal, but they were keeping me from finding peace. Nothing has really changed, my problem is still there. I still feel down every once in a while when I think about it, and I probably always will. I still wish things could have been different. I still wish I knew what the future holds for me and what exactly God has in store for me. That's the control freak part of me. I'm not even sure anything was really resolved last night except that I got a few things taken care of and I found some peace. There's just something gratifying, and humbling, about being chastised by God. When God silences you, well, then there is no doubt in your mind that He's heard and He's working on a solution in His time.